Thursday, June 02, 2005
LOST season two secrets revealed!
As I was standing in line at the grocery store today, I had the chance to flip through their cover story revealing secrets from Lost, season two. As is always the case with Lost (see my May 12 entry), revelations proved less forthcoming than promised. Fortunately, I have used my extensive Hollywood contacts to get the real scoop, and so I proudly present
Secrets of Lost (season two) revealed!
10) In a flashback, we will learn that even though she is directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of dozens of people, Kate has a heart of gold.
9) On weeks when there is not a new episode (approximately every other week), ABC will show the series premiere again. They want everyone to get a chance to see it, and apparently there are some people (current estimate: 8) who haven't yet.
8) In a flashback, we will learn that even though his medical ethics vanish more mysteriously than promised revelations, Jack has a heart of gold.
7) On the island there is apparently some kind of monster that can be seen by people but cannot be described or photographed with television cameras.
6) In a flashback, we will learn that even though he is creepy, psychotic, and underhanded, Locke has a heart of gold.
5) On the raft, Jin will somehow find a Korean-English dictionary and a complete set of Learn English Instantly CDs, which he will put to good use.
4) In a flashback, we will learn that even though he is a lying, wife-abusing gangster, Jin has a heart of gold.
3) We will discover that on an uncharted island full of predators, parasites, diseases, and traps, a dog running loose has a longer average lifespan than a character who actually knows any information.
2) In a flashback, we will learn that even though he is a selfish, manipulative, murderous con artists, Sawyer has a heart of gold.
1) In the season two finale, you will learn that even though you invested another eight months watching this show, you still don't know much of anything.
Secrets of Lost (season two) revealed!
10) In a flashback, we will learn that even though she is directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of dozens of people, Kate has a heart of gold.
9) On weeks when there is not a new episode (approximately every other week), ABC will show the series premiere again. They want everyone to get a chance to see it, and apparently there are some people (current estimate: 8) who haven't yet.
8) In a flashback, we will learn that even though his medical ethics vanish more mysteriously than promised revelations, Jack has a heart of gold.
7) On the island there is apparently some kind of monster that can be seen by people but cannot be described or photographed with television cameras.
6) In a flashback, we will learn that even though he is creepy, psychotic, and underhanded, Locke has a heart of gold.
5) On the raft, Jin will somehow find a Korean-English dictionary and a complete set of Learn English Instantly CDs, which he will put to good use.
4) In a flashback, we will learn that even though he is a lying, wife-abusing gangster, Jin has a heart of gold.
3) We will discover that on an uncharted island full of predators, parasites, diseases, and traps, a dog running loose has a longer average lifespan than a character who actually knows any information.
2) In a flashback, we will learn that even though he is a selfish, manipulative, murderous con artists, Sawyer has a heart of gold.
1) In the season two finale, you will learn that even though you invested another eight months watching this show, you still don't know much of anything.
