cymbaljack

Took me an extra attempt to get connected this morning. The first time, I got an error message that said, "Your computer and the remote computer could not agree on PPP protocols," which makes it sound like they're involved in some tense cease-fire negotiation.

Remote computer: OK, I'll give you access to the Internet, but there are going to be some pop-ups.
My computer: No way. My user is very strict about this.
Remote computer: Well, if you can't show us some flexibility, I just think this whole thing is pointless. Do you want access or not?
My computer: Look around! You let all these other computers have access. Why am I any different?
Remote computer: We're not talking about them, we're talking about you.

My misunderstanding is a result of someone writing an error message that's intended to be somewhat user-friendly, at least compared to past generations of error messages:

Error (13)
"This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down." (Death penalty for software.)
and the ever-helpful
Syntax error

But because error messages are still being written by computer geeks, they don't quite manage to communicate to ordinary humans. It may be a while before we get a message saying

Hey! I couldn't connect because that other computer and I aren't even talking the same language. Either it has a serious problem or I do. Trying again later is your best bet, or double-check that you're trying to connect me to the right computer.

Just as well. Computers are still striving to be awesome as much as helpful, and a little mystery goes a long way towards awe.

Louisville lost in OT, breaking my heart. I am still counting on them to handily win the Big East. They were easily better than every Big East team last year, and were only prevented from winning the conference by the technicality that they weren't a member of it yet.

In the NFL, Kansas City managed to overcome Washington, and I'm counting on my Eagles to have their usual strong performance coming out of the bye.

As for the local team, maybe they just suck, has anyone considered that? And maybe that's all about letting the only real coach the team had get hired away, leaving them adrift with no one at the rudder. Lo says that she watches Vikings games for the same reason she watches Special Victims Unit: morbid fascination. Maybe my show should be called CSI & Order: Special Criminal Death Investigations--Minnesota Vikings Division. It could feature gory close-ups of Dante Culpepper getting sacked.

So when it comes to football, there are reasons, but never any explanations.

Like every good American, I feel it is my number one obligation to make an obscene amount of money and then refuse to share it. My latest idea for doing that is to produce a #1 television show, and I think I've got an idea that can't miss.

My new show is called CSI & Order: Special Criminal Death Investigations--Detroit. The show will feature lots and lots of shots of violence in extreme blood-splattering close-up. Every single week the body count will be as high as some 80's horror movies.

The only worry, of course, is that viewers might not be able to tell my show apart from the fifty other shows exactly like it. But we can be sure it would be popular.

I'm not sure why shows like this are popular among a bunch of people who's only direct exposure to violent crime came when they were 10 and a schoolyard bully pushed them down in the process of stealing a basketball. Usually they do involve the bad people getting caught and (hypothetically) punished, probably on some other show about prisons. So maybe it's a hunger for justice. Or more likely, it's some kind of morbid fascination with violence that probably isn't too healthy.

So anyway, the good news is that when I don't watch TV, I have more time for drums and comics.