cymbaljack

Coming back from sabbatical has been both easier and harder than I'd expected.

Some things immediately felt familiar and natural. I wasn't particularly nervous about the first-day stuff. Organizing small groups, answering the familiar questions, all felt like I hadn't missed a day. But I was very intimidated at the thought of learning all those names--even though I used all my same techniques and got through it right on my traditional schedule. Somehow I expected it to be harder.

I'm more aware of being an introvert now. I really noticed how difficult and tiring those first three "getting to know you" weeks were. Now that I kind of know these people, and they're beginning to trust me, it's a little easier to go to class.

I had forgotten how much it takes to get some students to be equipped to be responsible for the course schedule on their own. I had forgotten how much conferences take in terms of energy, even when they are completely peaceful and productive. And apparently, I've forgotten how to get things done in a timely manner, because I can remember sometimes feeling like very briefly I was caught up, but I'm nowhere near those parts now. Part of that is that I've done a better job of encouraging students to give me drafts, which translates to more work for me but better results for them--so that's a tradeoff that's worthwhile. But I can't do everything.

One of my resolutions coming back was to continue to do the important work of reflecting on classes and being flexible and bringing my creative energy to the classroom--coming up with new activities, new approaches. But that just takes time, too, and when I'm slogging through participation grades and drafts and doing conferences and fixing broken stuff on D2L and thinking I'm really overdue to collect journals in 3 of my classes...oh, boy, does it get interesting.

I'm not complaining. I said in my journal last year that if I want an easy job, I should just go get one. I know this job is impossible. I'm just trying to work through it sufficiently that I can feel confident that I'm doing high-quality teaching but still managing to get the important, non-glamorous bits done and maintaining a healthy approach to a balanced, God-pleasing life.

That I'm still functional and upright through the first fourth of the semester is a miracle in its own right. And it's good that I'm being driven to depend on God. And it will get better, as I get more back in the swing, as I finish recovering from this cold, as I work through a few more of the decisions I made about teaching last year. It won't be easy. I didn't ask for easy.

It will send me back to the drawing board later in the semester and during the break, to think about whether there is anything I'm committing myself to doing that eats up my time without giving students real benefit.